What Do You Want for Your Birthday?

I recently had a big birthday.

Big enough that it had me hyperventilating that morning. 

In spite of that, I decided to be brave and own it.  But every time I heard my voice announce my new age, it felt like I was telling a lie.  Or like I was saying, "I molest kids."  It just seemed so wrong. 

I guess I half expected people to recoil in horror.

This, even though I realized almost half my life ago that people my age aren't old.  And even though if you were this age, I wouldn't think you were old.  I would, in fact, reassure you that you weren't.

And it's not like I didn't know it was coming.  In fact, what this post is most about is the fact that I did know it was coming--and what I did about it.

You see, I have known myself for. . .quite a while now, and I knew I would do better with this change if I were doing better with my life in general.  I didn't want to hit that morning of hyperventilation (although that reaction was honestly a complete surprise to me) without feeling good about myself.

Good enough to say, "Hey, I"m [whatever], and I'm happy to be at this place in my life."   

Have I reached all my goals?  No.  I suppose if I had, I wouldn't need the future part of my life.  Which I do need.

But I have reached some milestones and I have made some progress toward others.

Two of my most important goals depend partly on other people, who aren't ready.  So, I did what I could, and, when the time is right, I'll do the rest of my part.

One thing I did was to make a plan and significant progress toward making my home environment what I would like it to be.  Physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I'm not all the way there, yet, but good progress has been achieved, and I have a plan that is working.

Another thing I have done is work hard to reclaim a healthy body.  It was nice to hear people tell me that I didn't look (whatever) age and know they probably meant it.  It's nice to be able to put on some of the clothes I haven't worn for years, and to see muscles in my legs that I never, and I mean NEVER had before, even though my legs have never been my problem spot.  I got within three pounds of my weight goal.  Three pounds!

In fact, when I went back to the gym on my birthday for the second time that day (I weight-lift on some of my lunch hours), one of the two young guys behind the counter asked me how I was doing that day.  Armed with my new bravery, I told him it was my (whatever) birthday, and he said, "I've going to high-five you!" with some sincerity that told me that this goal must be worthwhile.  I took it as a congratulations for being where I was, literally and figuratively, when I was.

And, I finally freed myself from the invisible chains in my mind that kept me from taking my licensing test and took it two weeks ago.  And passed it.  Like, why on earth didn't I do this before? I was afraid of failing it--as though I'd ever failed a test.  I was afraid of wasting money my family needed--like, I didn't waste it getting a degree I wasn't using?  Things at work were changing and getting painful enough that I finally thought, "I have a golden ticket out of here," and looked up what I would have to do to get my license, and then made myself take those steps.

Why do we hold ourselves back?  Why do we waste time, focus on what doesn't matter, fail to identify and pursue what we really want?

Well, I'm old enough now to tell you that it is worth it to stop all that nonsense.

What place do you want to be in your life by your next birthday?  What present(s) will you give yourself that no one else can give you?

Here's a challenge: identify, map them out, and pursue them--in baby steps if necessary.

As long as we have life, we should pursue our happiness in it.  Then age becomes an ornament that swells in preciousness and worth for the benefit of ourselves and others.