Touchstones to Your Past

What I count one of my greatest blessings right now is that I am in touch with some of the people whose acquaintances with me reach far back into my life.

I have no problem meeting new people.  I meet new people practically every day at my job.  And I truly like most of them.  I've learned to "go with the flow" as supervisors and team members are changed.  There's frequently a new someone in our lives, you know--neighbor, teacher, bishop, friend.  I like to think of these exchanges in a simple way--you drop one hand in your circle in order to take another.

But there is something viscerally comforting about being in the presence or cyber-presence of someone whose history with you stretches way back to the beginning.  There's a kind of witnessing of who you are as a person that you can't get anywhere else.

It's almost like having your parents back.

They're a part of your personal history, touchstones to your past.  They likely formed part of your own character.

In most cases, as you catch up with someone from way back, you aren't really surprised by what they tell you about their life.  You just know them, and they just know you, no matter how many years fall in between.  You don't have to explain yourself.  You don't have to fill in so many blanks, or wonder what they will really think of you. 

Some of the first people I met in this life are gone--mainly, my parents and two oldest siblings, most aunts, and all uncles.  Many of the people I relied on from the beginning to answer my questions, tell me the truth, give information, and reflect myself back at me are just not there anymore.  Meeting up with someone who can do that is priceless.

A few years ago, I searched the Internet for classmates from my graduating class to let them know a reunion was being planned.  One friend reached back to reminisce with me about my having asked him to a dance many years ago.  It had not gone perfectly.  Now both adults with long-range perspective, we could talk about that from each of our points of view, and his story filled in gaps in mine that would never otherwise have been filled.  Some of my friends came to the reunion and some didn't, but my Internet search put me back in touch with at least twelve of my favorite high school friends.  At the reunion, it was fun to find myself sitting down to dinner with my high school best friend as if all of those years had not passed.

Marvelous things have occurred since this.  One friend who didn't want to go to the reunion invited me to have lunch with her. We had a private reunion and are still in touch.  Another friend came over to hang out one night as if we were still girls.

I had caught the bug.  I reconnected with one of my best friends from my earliest childhood just in time to be there for her when her father died.  I looked up a friend from early in my first marriage (thank goodness she had included her maiden name, because our last names had both changed) and we had a couple of very sweet catching-up sessions. 

Recently, an old college roommate's husband invited me to come up for her significant birthday.  I met or remet some of her family members and showed off my memory of her siblings' names.  No decades seemed to interrupt our friendship.

Also recently, one of my brother's childhood friends called me his friend, which warmed my heart.

Cousins can fill that precious need, and I have several whose time in their presence I really cherish.  It's been fun to also meet my husband's cousins and friends from way back when, who can put him in a new context for me.  It's a comfort to me, also, that my husband has been in my life long enough that he knew my parents, now long gone. That helps put me in context for him.

New people, welcome to my life!  Long-familiar ones still in my life, thank you from the bottom of my heart..

Children's Voices

I'm a writer.  I'm a runner.  I'm a worker.  I'm a friend, a wife, a sister.  But, for me, today, the most important role I play is that of a mother.

I love enjoying the variety in my seven children.  I like noticing where they look and seem alike--and different.  I loved giving them names.  I loved caring for their tiny little bodies.  I loved kissing their necks and talking baby-talk with them.

I enjoy each one for who he or she is.  Each one is creative, smart, and amazing in her/his own ways.  Each one has taught me cherished life lessons.  Each one has brought into our home a unique and fun perspective.  I've loved getting to know each one of them, seeing what they think, seeing how they think, what they'll say.

Here are some of my favorite things that my children have said:

"Goodness is funness!"

"Mom!  Come and see what [child] put in the toilet!"

"Where are you going to plant that Vaudis (confusing my Aunt Vaudis' name with another of my aunts--Fern)?"

"I love you too Mom-MY!"

"Coom!"

"These carrots look ferocious yucky!"

"Be noimal!"

"Something in here smells like a spice, or maybe a verb."

"Gravity holds the planets in orbit forever."

(Tiny girl answering what is her favorite color:) "I like gold!"

"Mommy!"

"Do you think those were real clowns, or just people dressed up?"

"Let me show you what a blue one tastes like.  You have to smash it first."

"You can heal without the priesthood."

"Purple is green, but purple is not green, it's just purple."

"It's too tasty!" (Her dinner.)

"It's too fappy!" (Her coat.)

(Praying): "Thank you we will be safe."

"I have gallons of clothes!"

Indicating a boulder across the street: "That's [big brother's] wock and my wock!"

"Mama, how did you find me?"

"I love it, I love it, I do!" (about dinner, then when asked if he knows what the main dish is called: "Bread and butter."

In the rocking chair at bedtime: "This is where we belong."

"Mommy!"

"Sing the pizza song!"

At my aunt's viewing: "Who's the guy in the bed?"

"Help me to be a man with a dog."

"What about applesauce?"

"Cottage cheese is the king of cheeses.  But it's not the king of us.  Jesus is the king of us."

"No fourteen!" (Grumpy toddler being awakened to his brother's fourteenth birthday.)

"My life (cereal) is all dust!"

"It's when they kill people!" (Response from a 4-year-old when asked by a missionary what sacrifice means.)

Lying back in the tub to wet his hair: "All my troubles seem so far away!"

"Can I read you a story?"

(After a brother said he hates church): "We HAVE to learn the gospel!"

"You're the best mom I ever had."

"Can you ever begive me?"

"Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!"

To everyone who enjoys a child, happy Mother's Day!

Will Fyker and Graspyn Please Sit Down?

The other day, I ran across a family where all the kids' names seemed to start with the wrong consonant.

I am well aware of the trends to make up names and make up new spellings for names, but, still!  How does that happen to a family?

Do they sit around at family home evening and say, "Okay, kids, pass your first consonant to the child on your left,"and then Gage, Kenzie, Haylee, Trinity, and Chassity become Kage, Henzie, Traylee, Chinity, and Gassity?  Aren't those cute?

I mean, really!  How does this happen?

Names aren't supposed to just be meaningless syllables that sound pretty together.  Do we not realize that names came from words?  The root word has a meaning.  If you destroy the root word, you destroy the meaning of the name, too.  I can't imagine going through life having a name that doesn't mean anything, except that my parents were ignorant about language.

Personally, and, yes, I am sure I am an old fogie, I would even take issue--for different reasons--with four of the five names I picked for this consonant-trading family. 

I don't see this trend ending well. 

Let me explain. 

Once upon a time, a perfectly good last name, Madison, became a first name.  Honestly, I don't really have a problem with that, unless the last name is something really strange. 

Next, it became a girls' name.  Why not?  Allison had gone from a last name to a first name to a girls' name decades before that.  Boys' names turn into girls' names at a rather alarming rate.  Maybe that is part of the problem--there aren't as many boys' names left.

I also think what happens is that a name that sounds like another well-liked name starts to be used.  Sometimes, it may be as good as the first name, sometimes not.

We liked Braden (meaning "from the wide valley"), so now there are the popular names Jaden and Caden.  Hayden, another last-name-turned-first-name, is also popular for both boys and girls.

Madison sounded not only like Allison, but like Madeline, so it became very popular.  Maddies everywhere.  Still fine.

A few years later, and Madison is not unique enough.  We start seeing Maddison, Madisen, Maddyson, and Maddisyn. 

The consonant switch thing, though, is something I have not been able to wrap my head around yet.  But, with it growing in popularity, I guess we should brace ourselves for Bladdisyn, Craddisyn, Faddisyn, and Gladdisyn. 

Where it will go from there is anyone's guess.

(My apologies to all the cute Maddisyns out there, and those who love them.)

Once upon a Time, I Had a Little Girl

Once upon a time, I had a little girl.  She was a very nice little girl.  She didn't always want one of everything imaginable.  For example, she would blurt out, "That's too tasty!" when we tried to give her some dinner.

Well, a few years have passed, and she wants everything imaginable.  At least, she wants some things that I never imagined her wanting. 

And, she's bigger than me now. And, this is the clincher, sometimes has her own money.

Today, she was full of surprises--for me.  Not surprises I wanted.  That's next week.

First, she mentioned that there was a concert she wanted to attend.  A symphony.  Tonight.  And she could get a student ticket, cheap. 

Well, of course, I'm all for my daughter attending the symphony and having cheap tickets and all. I just didn't think of it ahead of her.  It's a mother's job to anticipate their children's needs and wants, and I've been doing that for a good many years. So, it surprised me.  It's a little unnerving to have her ahead of me all the time lately.

"Who are you planning to go with?" I asked, wondering if I really wanted that whole answer.

"You or Dad, I guess," she said.  Well, now, that was nice.  Personally, I am too volatile of a cougher today to attend a symphony, but I thought maybe we could figure out a way her dad could go with her.  Not that he could get a student ticket, cheap. 

She and her dad looked into it.  Her ticket would be fifty percent more than she anticipated, for a same-day performance.  And her dad's?  Well, more than 200 percent more than that.  Still, we were willing to consider it.  It's not easy for her to give up on something she's thought of that she wants. It's even harder for her dad to do it.  And it's 200 percent harder for him to give up something he thinks she wants.  So, I coughed my way through that conversation.

Then, I found out, she wanted to go spend time with her friend.  This wasn't too much of a surprise, but she did just announce the time to me without a lot of notice: "Three to four!"  Okay!

I must admit that this girl spent a couple hours of her day cleaning up my kitchen.  And I mean, up on a chair washing the cupboards and blinds kind of cleaning.  "Thank you!" I said, and, "What a doll!"  I even happened upon her with her head in the oven, cleaning it.  And, yes, that really was a surprise.  Of course, come to find out, all of this work was because she is planning a party next week.  In my kitchen.  With four friends.  Two of them boys.

She's always got plans I didn't anticipate for my computer, the household noise level, and my time.  (In fact--and I am not making this up--just as put the period on that sentence, she appeared in the doorway and asked, "Can I use your computer as soon as you're done?")

I was trying not to cough on clothes I was folding when she found me for the next surprise.  Just as if it were normal conversation for her (which it never has been), she informed me that she wanted to go to a certain place and have a certain haircut. 

I have always--sparingly--cut her hair in the past.  I have five sons, so I have spent my haircutting money on them, not her.  I offered to trim it for her.  She gazed back at me unfazed.  I offered to try to layer it a little.  The unfazed gaze again. "I want bangs like this," she said, clinching it.  I can cut bangs--though I never have on her--but I could probably not be relied on to cut bangs exactly "like this," and we both knew it.  She reminded me she has her own money.

In a weak last attempt, I cautioned, "You'll regret it."  I'm not unfair.  I explained what I meant by that.  That bangs "like that" would constantly be in her face and would take at least a year to grow out to the length she keeps her hair.  Of course, I hadn't thought that through very well, because, typically, when a parent offers advice to a teenager, it's pretty likely that she has just solidified the opposite result.

So, my daughter went off to have her first professional haircut.  And pay for it herself.  She's a very good girl, and she wanted a very reasonable cut.  She wasn't talking about a half-shaved head or hot pink hair, so it was right for her to do what she wanted with it.  In fact, my daughter is such an excellent girl that she did think about--and put off--the bangs part.

She returned from her friends' house to announce that they had walked from there to some unplanned location to film something for their school project (school projects just are NOT what they used to be) and saw some older kids who used to go to their school, so they involved these older kids in their conversation, film, and project.  "Can my friend walk home with me," she asked, at another time in the near future, so they could go to another business location to include THAT in their school project?

Cough, cough! 

At least she asks.  Except, of course, when she forgets.

I know it's her job to grow up faster than I can think about it, but I finally did have to ask her to hold any more surprises for a day when I'm not grinding to a dead halt.