What to Wear?

When my children go to get dressed in the morning, it takes them one second to decide what to wear.

I am not exaggerating.

All the child does is pull out her/his designated "outfit drawer" and choose the top left outfit.

On the weekend, I folded the shirt and underwear for that day inside the pants or skirt, and I stacked them up--Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, then Thursday, Friday, Saturday next to that.

I do this for a few reasons.  One, I like choosing what my children wear.  It helps me feel involved in their lives.  I am often not there in the mornings when they are getting dressed, so it is a major way that I can help ahead of time, or afar, depending on how you want to look at it. It's part of how I take care of them.

I've been doing this for years.  I am glad my husband has not been stuck with the job of trying to appropriately dress five small children on a hectic school morning.  I am glad my children's clothes match, and that they are appropriate to the season.  I am glad they they don't have to scrounge for missing jeans on a chaotic morning or panic over clean socks.

No laundry issues here.

I have their Sunday clothes on rotation, too, in their closets.  This separates their Sunday, go-to-church clothes from their everyday play and school clothes. For the most part, my children have completely different items of clothing for Sunday.

I like this, not only because I get to dress them up and they look sharp, but because it teaches them how to dress appropriately for different occasions.  My baby used to talk about his "Sunday shoes" and his "Monday shoes."  (Monday shoes served for all the other days of the week, too.)  Even at two, he knew there was a difference.

I admit, I do smile to myself when my daughters talk in scandalized tones about how they cannot wear their white shoes after Labor Day, or that Hermione wore RED to a wedding.

Some clothing rules that I adhere to may be a little outdated, but, honestly, I think there are good reasons for maintaining them.

There's an old German saying, "Clothes make the man."  It's true that we make judgments and assumptions about people based on what they are wearing.  And that people make them about us.  We can't escape this.  When we need help in a store, we look for a person with the red uniform shirt on.  To a large extent, we expect someone in charge to be dressed up.  We know two young, clean-cut men in white shirts walking together are likely missionaries.  We hope that the person in the clown suit is a clown.

I believe that we show respect or disrespect in what we wear.  When I have had to go to court, I have received letters telling me not to wear trashy clothes.  This is not necessary in my case.  I am dismayed to think that anyone would need to be told that.  I know the judge is there to judge, to the best of her or his ability, by the evidence and information s/he receives.  If you want to make a good impression, you wear nice clothes.

My children know that they have to take off their ties and tights when they get home from church so that they don't ruin them playing. They learn this symbolically from their infancy.  It's respectful to wear "Sunday best" to church. It's not a social gathering, or a political forum.  It's the house of the Lord, and we should show our utmost respect by wearing our nicest, most respectful shoes and clothes.  We are there to worship, after all.  I would be sad to see this decline into jeans and tee shirts.  I really would.

Of course, it's different if jeans and a tee shirt is the best thing someone has to wear or if someone cannot afford a different pair of shoes.  Everyone should be welcomed to worship and never made to feel bad about their clothes.  I am not suggesting we judge each other on how well we keep rules of attire, only that we strive to say with our dress what we actually mean to be saying, to the best of our ability.

When we dress up, we show that we know that other occasions--and the people involved in them--are important, such as weddings, funerals, recitals, and dinner parties.  Conversely, we show disrespect when we attend important events wearing dumpy clothes.

My dad used to put on a shirt and tie just to give us a priesthood blessing in the middle of the night.

I have heard that even spirits wear suits when they come on an official visit to someone's dreams.

I know that some parents would be aghast that I control my children's clothing to that extent.  I can see their point.  However, my children do participate in this.  If there is something they don't want to wear, we talk about it.  If they truly don't like the item, I remove it from the rotation and donate it or save it for the next child.  If they do like it, then I get them to agree to wear it in its turn.  This helps them develop some critical thinking skills, have a say, and also learn how to dress appropriately and use their things wisely.  We talk about feelings and reasons and tastes and rules and styles and practicalities.

I also know that some parents let their children choose what to wear to the point of not interfering at all.  If she chooses a swimsuit and flip-flops to wear into the snow, that's her prerogative.  If she wants to wear a red striped shirt with floral leggings, so be it.  I understand the point of letting children have some autonomy and respecting their authority over their own persons, but I also think it is important to teach them how to dress in order to show respect and be taken seriously.

Would these same parents let their children eat whatever they feel like eating?  Sugar pixie sticks, Coke, and potato chips all day long?  I wonder if they would say with a shrug, "She fed herself," or "That's what she wants to eat."  Maybe they would, but I think most parents try to teach their children how they should eat in order to be healthy.  Why not teach appropriate dress, too?

I worked with a woman a couple of years ago who insisted on dressing dumpy and wearing lots of jewelry in her face.  The only problem was, she was trying to get a job.  I offered her money for interview clothing.  She took the money, but continued to dress down while job searching.  It's not easy to have conversations like this, but I had to help her see how the two metal rods coming out of her nostrils made her look to potential employers.

"I saw a singer wearing these in 1988," she said, "and I've worn them ever since."

"Does he know that you've been doing this for him for 23 years?"

That only slowed her down for a second.  "All my friends dress like this," she said.  "This is how I'm comfortable."

I told her that I'm comfortable in my nightgown, but she might think I was kind of weird if I wore it to work.