Balance that Hairdo!

Some time ago, I walked into a public restroom to find two old women talking as if they were young women.

"I can't wear red at all.  It just completely washes all the color out of me."

Surprised, I ducked into a stall, listening to them talk and compare what they look "best" and "awful" in.

Not to be rude, but these women were very old.  The color was already completely washed out of them.  I honestly doubted anyone would have noticed whether they looked different in red or blue.

But they cared.

It forced me to reexamine my assumptions.  Reexamining assumptions is excellent exercise.  I recommend it for everyone.  It can clear the brain better than a robust jog in the misty dawn.

First, it made me realize what, in the first place, my assumption was.  I realized that I must have assumed, sometime back, that old women didn't care what they looked like anymore.  That concern about this curl or that blemish or some pair of jeans making one look fat ended somewhere along the way.  That, as long as they were clean and appropriately dressed, old women were probably content to look however they looked.

I know this assumption fueled my reckless behavior when I was a very young woman, sunbathing.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that this was a dangerous choice that could give me trouble in decades to come.  But I'll be old then, I rationalized.  I won't care how I look.

But I'm half old, and I still care.  At least, halfway.

I no longer spend inordinate amounts of time gazing into the mirror or stress too much over this or that.  For one thing, I've gotten more efficient at taking care of myself.  On the other hand, I've had to accept that some things just are and move on.

But I have to admit that just being clean and appropriately dressed does not cover it for me.  I still smile to see a glimmer of beauty emerge.  I still take care that my pantyhose are perfect and cannot conceive of succumbing to a muumuu.  I still like compliments.  I now have to assume that we all do.

As far as self-care is concerned, I guess I'd characterize myself as a blessed conservative moderate.  Moderate, because I do think grooming is important, that appearances do influence, and that people ought to do the best they can with what they have, reasonably. And, by reasonably, I mean with some effort but not an inordinate amount of effort, and with some expense involved, but not a lot of money spent.  Conservative, because I really do not spend much time or money, by most people's standards, on my appearance. And blessed, because I've never really felt I had to spent a lot of time or money to be presentable.

I guess I think that, unless one is unusually blessed, one should spend some effort on appearance.  And even the most naturally fortunate need to at least be clean and appropriately attired.  I also think that it's a waste of money and time, and, really, kind of sad, to chase an illusion of beauty by pouring an unbalanced amount of resources into the project.

We all know women--and men, for that matter--who go to one extreme or another on this issue.  We know people who rely a bit too heavily on natural appearance and never do anything with their hair or other aspects of their appearance.  We know people who change their hairstyle and color so much that we cannot easily recognize them from day to day.

And then there are those who spend a great deal of effort in remaining the same.  (I'll never run for president, because I wouldn't want to have to get a haircut every single day.)  I once worked with a woman, for example, who still sported a beehive from the sixties.  This was not a resurgence of an old style--she had done this to herself daily since then--confirmed when she told me, "I use the same hairdresser I had in high school."  I'd just nodded, trying to keep my face blank while I made a mental note.

I know another woman who has not only kept the same hairstyle since she was perhaps twelve, but has worn the exact same barrette in it.

I want to fall somewhere between the two extremes.  Of course, there's a very big middle there.

A couple of months ago, people started noticing that I was close to my ideal weight.  Instead of commenting on that, though, they started saying to me, "I love your new hairstyle!"  This was happening so often that I had to take note of and analyze it for its origin.  But when I heard myself saying to friends, "I haven't changed my hair in twelve years," I realized I was falling out of the middle to one end of the extreme.

So, the last time I got my hair cut, I requested something new.  And I brought up this subject with the woman cutting my hair.  She clearly deals with this issue with women of all ages.

Yes, she confirmed, women of all ages want to look their best.  (Now, I'm wondering if that is natural, or a product of our overly superficial society.)

And all women seem to make up rules they follow about how to best achieve that.  As in many other things, balance is where I think it's at.