Teaching a Life Skill

My baby seemed fine about doing his Saturday chores, then he hit his wall.

One minute, he was cheerfully wiping down the kitchen wastebasket with a Lysol wipe, chirping, "It looks better already!"  The next, I heard his bedroom door slam over the words, "I hate work."

Clearly, there were a number of responses I could have made.

I nudged the door open with my toe.  "You seemed fine a minute ago," I said, making sure I had a kind, understanding tone.  "Did you run into a job that seemed like too much?"

"Yes," he said.  It was working.  "Fifty things in my room."

"Well, let's break it down then," I suggested.  "Can you do five things?"

"Yes."  He told me what each one of the things was as he picked it up.  He wanted to be witnessed for all of his hard work.

I've been known to trick younger children with methods like this--get them to do what I want them to do without them realizing they are doing it, but this kid is beyond that, and, besides, my goal this time was beyond having his bedroom tidy. It was to teach him a life skill: what can I do to cope/keep functioning when I get overwhelmed?

"That means you have forty-five left," I observed.  "Do you think you can do forty-five, or does that still sound like too much?"

"Too much."  He was totally cooperating.  No fits, no whining.

"Just do five more, then," I suggested.

"Okay."

"That will bring it down to forty."

He again reported on each one as he picked it up.

We negotiated for five more, and he observed on his own, "That will make it fifteen that I've done."

"Yes, and you'll have thirty-five left.  Isn't that neat that the number you've done keeps going up, and the number you have left keeps going down?"

Then I asked him if thirty-five sounded like a number he could manage.

"The most I can do," he said, quite seriously, "is twenty-seven."

But he took it from there.  I heard from him again when he had twenty-four left, then fourteen, then his brother's age, then his own age.

"That is so exciting!" I enthused with him.

Soon, he was back.  "I'm all done!"  He gave me six high-fives.

The tidy bedroom is a temporary thing.  But the feeling of being overwhelmed will hit him again and again and again.  Even long after I'm no longer here for him to turn to.

I hope that's the work done today that will stick.