Suicide by Gym-Goer

At my gym, there is a mallard duck that sits in the parking lot. He doesn't move when a car drives toward him. He just sits there. You get closer, closer, closer. He doesn't even look at you. And, of course, all the cars carefully edging closer to him WITHOUT hitting him have taught him he's in no danger. I can't tell what about the parking lot is attractive to him. It's. . .a parking lot. There's a pond right across the street. But, no. Yesterday, I didn't see him as I pulled into the lot in the dark, until I got out of the car. He had taken up residence in the parking slot next to me. With a little less luck, I would have had duck a la king on my tires. He didn't care. He's either too dumb to realize that a car can hurt him, or he doesn't care. The day before, he'd parked his heiny behind my car, so I'd backed up v-e-r-y slowly until I was sure I could go no further without flattening him--which was not very far, then went forward through the other parking slots (good thing no one was parked there). I'd like to teach him a lesson, but, unfortunately, that's a lesson a duck can only learn once. And, while I'm not an animal lover, I don't want to hurt any. I can only hope he never parks himself RIGHT behind my tire. I now understand the term "dumb duck." Also "dead duck." What is it about the parking lot, I wonder? Is he excited by the cars? Is he hoping to meet the right car sometime and hop into it and take off? Maybe he hates the cars and is waiting for an opportunity to leave a bomb on them. Is concrete nicer to sit on than grass? Maybe he was hatched in a parking lot and a car imprinted on his brain as his mother. Maybe he's trying to find her. Is he trying to be a hot-shot? Maybe he wants to work out? Last year, he usually had a girlfriend or two with him, but I can see they've given up on him now. So my guess is he's either psychotic or depressed. Maybe he was at the bottom of the pecking order at the pond and has nothing to lose. Maybe he really hopes someone will end it all for him. Unless his luck holds out, it could happen any time. I just hope I'm not the one who has to do it.